Communication

Feelings
I'm really sad that I won't be standing up there with you although I always thought that I would!

Maybe its just me, maybe I suck at communication. It seems like lately what I say I mean one way but seems to come out another or people interpret it another way. Somehow this takes something positive or just neutral that I'm saying and makes it into a really negative thing. Kind of in a downer mood now this evening, just feel like I have been hurting people that mean a lot to me. I am not a bitch and I try so hard not to be but I feel like it happens anyway!

Somewhere along the way I have lost part of my personality and part of who I am. Maybe its back in Indiana or maybe its just alcohol induced, I just want it back or with me all the time. I need some time to myself to reflect or something. I really want to be a better me but somehow I must not really want it since I never seem to do much about it or get very far in my plan for bettering myself. Maybe in 2010....

Work
I hope tomorrow is a good day at work. Its always hard to go back after two days off, especially when I have to work open to close and be the only one at the desk all day. I just hope that soon maybe I will really figure out exactly what I want to do with my life and I can start working towards that goal, I've just been torn lately. Doing what I am supposed to in the spa and just hoping that I will find my calling, my creative, what makes me different then anyone else.

Life in Jackson
Man have the past couple of weeks been random/crazy but great at the same time. First I was able to see my cousin Diane who I haven't seen in forever and get a behind the scenes look at the Federal Reserve Bank conference in Jackson. Then playing poker with these random guys, having religious conversations with Rice when we're drunk, meeting some crazy but awesome cougars at our hotel and partying with them. Then today I wake up and have breakfast with my roomie and some guys from work, great company and food, then Ali calls and says she found a couch and that the guys carried it back to our place.

*I want to end this blog on a happy note and say that the friends I do have out here are great and I know I can always count on them.

Peace Love and Gods Speed